Lots of tears

It’s been a tough few weeks, my tear ducts working overtime. I’m forcing myself to write in hopes that it will make me feel a little better.  I suppose  a lot of my tears are coming from withdrawals as I slowly wean off of pain medication, but I also know that a lot of them are coming from fear and sadness a little deeper inside.

I have spent a lifetime trying to take the best care of myself, thinking that making “good” choices about exercise, food, drugs, money and so on would always pay off. And not that they haven’t; it’s just that right now there is a bit of a dark cloud hanging over me that I can’t quite shake. I hate to think of this body of mine being subjected to the poison of radiation and chemotherapy in the coming months, knowing the acute side effects and the potential for chronic ones, too. This little cloud is blocking that “euphoric”, live-for-the-day feeling that I felt prior to surgery and that many cancer survivors seem to stow in their back pocket.

So for now I must reach out from under my little cloud and ask for some help:

1. If you are able, David and I could greatly benefit from having lunch/dinner food delivered a few times a week. On that end, our friend Erika has offered to organize a calendar for this. I think this will help us in a few ways: it will give David one less thing to worry about and it will give us a visit to look forward to (if you are able to stay to visit). If you can help us in this way please contact Erika Scott at ckalbfus@sbcglobal.net for details.

2. We are undergoing the process of appealing the denial of my health insurance to cover my surgery and care at UCLA on the basis of a lack of medical necessity. This equates to over $400,000 in bills now 3-hole punched and neatly organized in a binder. David is working hard to organize our case for appeal but we believe we are in need of legal counsel. If you know of any attorneys that specialize in health care issues and may be willing to help us, please let us know. As we are in a bit of financial constraint already, we may not be able to afford an expensive attorney (does that exist?).

Though the process of writing this entry produced a pile of used tissues, I can say that I do feel a little better. Those of you who have called, emailed, written, etc. that I have not responded to, please accept my apology for not responding & thank you for continuing to keep in touch. That dumb little cloud of mine makes for poor reception…so if you are nearby, come over for a visit or invite us over or out (and we will either accept or deny your request on the basis of medical necessity).     :0)

lots of love,


Recliner testing at Costco!

Recliner bliss!

18 responses

  1. Clare- my dear friend of 12 years…I know that took a lot for you to write that and I hope you know that we are all here to help. Glad to see Carlton made his debut! 🙂

  2. Hang in there, Clare. Those insurance people suck, but you and Dave will overcome them with your superhero powers. Remember your chest sheild…we’re convinced you are a superwoman! 🙂 Something to look forward to: good food is on the way! Love you guys lots! E & B

  3. Clare,
    I would recommend that you contact Legal Aid in Sacremento to find a lawyer. Explain the situation and perhaps they may find someone to do the work pro bono. Here’s hoping. Hang in there sweet girl, we are all with you in our prayers.
    Love, M and T

  4. I think of you often. i hope i can help with this attorney thing. there is some kind of weekly article in the sacramento bee that helps with cases as this. it deals with insurance companies and deals with them for the patients. I am sorry i dont recall the name but it comes out on friday, saturday or sunday’s paper. I pray for you and hubby and thanks for the blog.
    Hugs M

  5. Hey Clare, hang in there! Just sent you a message on Facebook re: attorneys.

    ps can David get extensions for those recliners? they’re a bit too short…

  6. If I had one of those particle transporter things that they have on Star Trek, I would totally beam:
    a) Myself and witty/entertaining conversation
    b) Food that is delicious and healthy (accompanied by something sweet)
    c) A time machine
    d) A genie in a bottle that would provide $400,000+

    I can’t take away the sadness, but I can let you know that you still have a team fighting for your physical and mental well being. And I’m on that team. I love you both.

  7. Clare…..

    I tried to write something insightful but decided to just say that Connie and I are praying for you, David and your families. I haven’t gone through what you and David are experienciing but have seen others that have. Many came out the other side of treatment to live a long life that, although wasn’t without more trials and tribulations, they met head on with a continuing hope for the future. My best to you!


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