It’s been a tough few weeks, my tear ducts working overtime. I’m forcing myself to write in hopes that it will make me feel a little better. I suppose a lot of my tears are coming from withdrawals as I slowly wean off of pain medication, but I also know that a lot of them are coming from fear and sadness a little deeper inside.
I have spent a lifetime trying to take the best care of myself, thinking that making “good” choices about exercise, food, drugs, money and so on would always pay off. And not that they haven’t; it’s just that right now there is a bit of a dark cloud hanging over me that I can’t quite shake. I hate to think of this body of mine being subjected to the poison of radiation and chemotherapy in the coming months, knowing the acute side effects and the potential for chronic ones, too. This little cloud is blocking that “euphoric”, live-for-the-day feeling that I felt prior to surgery and that many cancer survivors seem to stow in their back pocket.
So for now I must reach out from under my little cloud and ask for some help:
1. If you are able, David and I could greatly benefit from having lunch/dinner food delivered a few times a week. On that end, our friend Erika has offered to organize a calendar for this. I think this will help us in a few ways: it will give David one less thing to worry about and it will give us a visit to look forward to (if you are able to stay to visit). If you can help us in this way please contact Erika Scott at firstname.lastname@example.org for details.
2. We are undergoing the process of appealing the denial of my health insurance to cover my surgery and care at UCLA on the basis of a lack of medical necessity. This equates to over $400,000 in bills now 3-hole punched and neatly organized in a binder. David is working hard to organize our case for appeal but we believe we are in need of legal counsel. If you know of any attorneys that specialize in health care issues and may be willing to help us, please let us know. As we are in a bit of financial constraint already, we may not be able to afford an expensive attorney (does that exist?).
Though the process of writing this entry produced a pile of used tissues, I can say that I do feel a little better. Those of you who have called, emailed, written, etc. that I have not responded to, please accept my apology for not responding & thank you for continuing to keep in touch. That dumb little cloud of mine makes for poor reception…so if you are nearby, come over for a visit or invite us over or out (and we will either accept or deny your request on the basis of medical necessity). :0)
lots of love,