It just never gets easier to get the news that another tumor has been found on my MRI.
Last week as I was so lovingly greeted back to work by fantastic colleagues and students I had to say hello to yet another challenge. A new spot has grown near my spine (at the L2 vertebra, below the site of the large tumor removed in 2009) in the last six months to about 3cm across at its widest. While it is small compared to the first it is an unwanted growth nonetheless.
So begins the trek (again) to find the best solutions, the best providers, the strength to keep going. I am so thankful that I am not in pain, that I can head back to work part-time and feel peace knowing I am not alone.
Mostly, I don’t want to leave too soon. I love life so much. I love the thought of having really tall kids with David. Sometimes my mind wanders to thoughts of my classroom students, that perhaps they are the children I help raise instead of my own. After flushing out tears, I am somehow able to calm myself down knowing that there are no certainties, there is no way of knowing what opportunities lie ahead. We can make the best choices possible and yet other forces mingle and tug. So I appreciate all I do have; pulsing through me is enough self worth, and enough worth in all those who are part of me, to fight however hard I can.
So, here we go again.