The way things are

With as much professional help, spiritual counseling, pharmaceuticals, friends, family, support, prayers, lovely cards and gifts of love, I ache. I hurt inside, deep, deep inside. And I hurt like a person who’s been torn apart and put back together too many times.

And I hurt like a new mom who can’t be with her baby but for a few minutes each day.

I hate this. I don’t have the strength that I have had in the past. There are too many new and growing tumors in my body that it is simply a matter of time that they start to do too much damage. So I’m in a new very scary, lonely, horrid stage having elected to start hospice care (though it is possible to stop hospice at any time if I desire and can manage).

**The clinical trial I wrote about in the past with great hope is of unknown existence. There is no information about if/when it will happen and if it will even accept patients with my specific type of tumor. This is completely opposite of what I had learned about last year.**

David and I thank those of you who continue to help us financially as we would be struggling so much more. I don’t even know how else to express how grateful we are.

With love and tears,
Clare

9 responses

  1. Stay strong mrs wiley, stay strong for yourself, for david, and for Sydney. We all love you, and you have our support forever and ever. ♥

  2. I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again that you inspire me every day, Clare, and know that at the end of the day I want you to not have to hurt anymore. I’m looking forward to seeing you real soon and giving you a big hug and kiss! xoxoxoxo

  3. Clare,

    You’re an inspiration to all. You’ve been fighting this battle a long time. We hope that hospice can give you some pain relief so you can spend more time with your family.

    We send you our love,

    Dick and Marti

  4. Clare-
    You are a hero in my eyes. You choose to take on life’s oh-so-difficult challenges with such grace. I send you love and hope enveloped in a big hug. Xoxoxoxo. Ann

  5. This is without a doubt the most profound, incisive & sensitive display of reality that I have ever read! Clare, I love you. There are tears in my eyes as I type. This is true sorrow & tragedy! There is no reasonable eplanation for what is taking place. It is the bitter sword of Life. It cuts blindly, in wicked abandon of the damage that is done. You are not alone! Everyone who knows you is in sorrow with you. Your Legacy will be your person, your struggle & triumphs & of course David & your son, Sydney. You will always be in our hearts.
    Love,
    Your Uncle Art

  6. Dearest Clare, we’ve wanted to be with you, and so far have felt that we’d be an intrusion…with everything going on. But we sure would love to see you if you’re open to us coming for a short visit and a long/LONG hug. Any chance of that hug taking place tomorrow(Thurs.) or Friday during the day? We’ll save the conversation until we’re together. Just know that you’re in our hearts and thoughts way more than we let on. Much love, and hoping to see you soon, Peg and Lar p.s. if Thurs. or Fri doesn’t work, let’s look at next week? We’re at the ready.

    ________________________________

  7. Clare,
    It is very important for you & everyone around you, not to waste time with “anger”.Anger is your enemy…embrace every moment of your “acceptance of things” with love & the immediacy of the moment. Spend your time “Loving”. That is your real essence & true beauty!!!

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